Jokes

Farmlily, Brooke - I'm so happy you got a chuckle out of my little funnies.

 

A group of girlfriends are on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only". Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome."
Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.
On the fourth floor, the sign says: "All the men here are tall and handsome. They are rich and perfectly built"
The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor. There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

 

This is my favorite:

 

• Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before
• I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
• Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"
• Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
• Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true" exclaims Daisy, "no bull!"

 

They could have called off the Seafood Disco for that pulled mussel

What do you call two cows standing behind some trees?

Cow Hide

 

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the toilet?
Because the p is silent.

(sorry, couldn't resist!)

 

I have many joke pictures to post. They will be animal ones.

 

What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor?
Ground Beef!

What do you get when you mix a cow and a ghost?
Vanishing cream!

What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bull-dozer!

What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake!

What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk?
An udder failure!

Why don't cows have any money?
Because the farmers milk them dry!

Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work!

Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
To get chocolate milk!

What is a cow's favorite subject in school?
Cowculus!

What goes oo ooo oooo?
A cow with no lips!

 

867-5309
How many of you sang the numbers ?

 

LOL....I first thought you were giving us your phone #!!!

 

Where do number phones start with 867?

 

It's a part of a well known song in the US