Bullying in the Foum

It is an ugly subject. but someone has to bring it up. Nobody likes to discuss it, think about it or acknowledge that it is happening. Nobody likes to be 'bullied' and nobody likes to see their child, friend, relative or even a complete stranger to be 'bullied', and even in some cases reduced to 'tears'.

I have had some quite distressing igm's recently from people using the forum who feel that they have been treated in this way. Some of these people are now reluctant to post because they feel that their view is discounted and not treated with any form of respect whatsoever. They are frightened to post anything else for fear of being upset and embarrassed, perhaps because they are new or fairly new to the game or because their English is not quite up to 'scratch' for other players.

We are all from different backgrounds, different cultures, are different ages and all of our views are important to us, the individual, and should be respected as such. Nobody should be frightened or intimidated at all into not making a post. If it is stating their opinion, asking for clarification, making a suggestion or asking for help, they should all be treated with respect without constant 'put down's and argument. Is there not enough bad stuff happening out there in the world right now without petty bickering from some individuals? A response, agreement or disagreement, to a post can be made nicely, with a bit of thought.

Please do not 'Like' this post to acknowledge you have read it. Only 'Like' it if you agree with it. In the meantime, I am composing a letter to Customer Support, which may given my current obligations, take a few days, along with my views and granting them free access to my igm's if they wish to read them themselves.

I hope you do not think I am a 'Bully', and I really am sorry if I have raised a subject which may be 'uncomfortable' for some but I am personally upset by some people leaving the forum who have actually posed some interesting questions, feedback, suggestions and ideas. And all because they have been intimidated. Please feel free to igm me if you wish to discuss this matter privately rather than on an open forum.

If you do decide to respond in this thread, please do so politely and abide by the forum rules, do not mention names in order to embarrass other forum users in any way.

Thank You

 

Igm.

 

I understand what you are saying. The rules page that brought this to mind can be found here. Just because we may be typing something tongue in cheek, and with a giggle, doesn't mean it is going to be interpreted that way. We do need to be careful to not make someone feel this way. Per the rules, everyone should be checking their spelling and grammar while using the English language forum, to make sure that they aren't being misunderstood per the rules linked above. But don't many countries have different spellings and grammar rules for the English language too? Play nice friends. Have a refresher of the rules. And most importantly, have fun!

 

Thank you labmommy for your really well and much appreciated input. Most poster's grammar and spelling are quite (or almost always) correct but their way of wording things sometimes is not, and if their English is not their 'first' language, it is normally quite obvious and quite forgiveable . When you talk to someone 'face to face', you get their tone and facial expressions which makes all the difference, on the forum that is not always possible... although the smiley face things help.

Sadly, the bullying complaints I have had are all about the same individual whose first language is English, so there really is no excuse for their behaviour.

 

I have a really good real life example for not being able to read tone! My hubby works in another state. He is gone for two weeks and then has one week at home. The locations that he goes to (in the oil fields) don't always have good cell service but the company has Wi-Fi. So, the majority of our conversations literally happen through email. More than once one of us has been really mad about something written because the tone of the email has been misunderstood. Then there's an argument where there doesn't need to be. Then there are hurt feelings on his 1 week home, when I'd rather be doing fun things with him . The rules even state that if you are being silly to include a face to let it be known. About a week ago, broke and I were going back and forth on a thread (rummage) and I included MANY faces!! I was laughing so hard the whole time, but still someone came and told me not to take him seriously when I hadn't been AT ALL! So even then things can be misunderstood.

It is sad that someone feels put down or bullied! I read the threads every morning with my coffee and come back throughout the day, so I'm pretty sure I know what you are talking about. I hope they give us a chance and come back to ask questions and make their suggestions heard!

Bottom line: Be kind to everyone. You never know what they are going through on the other side of that computer screen!

 

I do agree with you about not being able to read tone. Still, if multiple persons feel hurt by someone, then i think the tone is felt, rather than not read.
I will take the hurt seriously too, not just the writer who seems to cause it.
We can try to be kind, but there are also limits to how many times you allow someone to step on your heart before you try and say something about it.
Leaving is an option, but saying something comes first.

But we always try to be kind.

 

If it's me that causes any offense please feel free to throw a bread roll at me or a tool box (heavier and may knock some sense into me) and I will throw something nice back at you by way of a heartfelt and very sincere apology. I do find sometimes that taking a deep breath and rereading a post sometimes puts it back in perspective, it's easy to get angered especially if you're like me and like a good rant! I do miss the old forum where we could choose to ignore a poster if they got up your nose. I agree with farmingfreebird too, saying something helps - if not to the original poster, then certainly support. Nobody should EVER be made to feel belittled by ANYBODY.

 

Igm.

 

One of the things that never ceases to amaze me is how people act when they think they are anonymous due to the internet. Yes, we may be anonymous here, posting under user names and avatars, but we have to remember that we should treat people with the same respect we would like to be treated. One of the things that I have learned over the last three years of selling my wares to the public is that there are all kinds of people in the world. And we cannot always please everyone or make everyone happy. But, in the same vein, we should do nothing that might provoke, because sometimes it comes back to haunt us.

Case in point. Our first year in the market, my husband made a point of saying hello to this lady who walked past our booth every Saturday. He's say Good Morning, or Hello. And every Saturday she just kept her eyes forward and kept on walking. Never any acknowledgement. The last Saturday we were at the market, she stopped. Looked at our wares and bought some bags. I treat my customers and the 'look-e-loos' with respect. There are no colors. No creeds. No handicaps. Everyone deserves a smile and a hello.

So I try not to judge on Facebook or here or anywhere that I post on the internet. I have friends who are polar opposites politically, and yet we still find common ground to base our friendship upon. There's no need for name calling or belittling. We're all allowed our opinions.

Even this game can be played in different ways by different people. And there's no wrong way to play. So we can present our ideas and learn from each other without bullying and name calling. It's one of the things I love about KMellish's idea for the raid your pantry thread - gifting it forward to help our fellow farmers. It's genious! Makes me smile every time I receive one of those gifts or send one of those gifts.

 

As a new player and poster to this forum I would like to add a positive note. I have found everyone to be helpful, supportive and incredibly generous. So this is obviously a very tiny portion of the whole population as the old saying goes "one bad apple does not spoil the whole bunch".

Often times someone that has a tendency to bully lacks the ability to empathize. It is important to remember to ask yourself how you would feel if someone treated you the same way. Seems basic but if it's not how you are wired then it sometimes easy to forget to take another persons feelings into account.

For anyone that feels the need to criticize, belittle, embarrass or shame another poster over something as trivial as grammar, please let me remind you that this is a game forum not a literary prize contest. Be kind and try to imagine how difficult if not impossible it would be for you to communicate successfully in another language.

 

Big sighs ...

Greetings lovely Farmers,

The only thing I can say is that nobody has to bring up this topic. If anyone feels bullied by a post, there is a small Report button under each message - please use it, and explain briefly what is wrong about the post, to have it reviewed as soon as possible.

If someone is being harassed or bullied through in game messages, please contact Support immediately.

That being said, this is not a matter that should be discussed in the Forum so the thread will now be closed. Thank you for your understanding.
​

Best regards,
teddy.bear