Jokes

Couldn't find a thread for this, so thought I'd start one

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Change is inevitable... except in the case of a vending machine

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"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? "

-Been there, done that-

 

Oh Jools, you're so sensitive... quit editing and deleting your posts!
This jokes for you.

A grasshopper walks into a bar, pulls up a stool, and orders a libation.
The bartender pours him a tall, frothy mug and says "You know... we have a drink named after you."
To which the grasshopper replies, "You have a drink named Bob?"

 

My 'sentence' so far will be 25 years in December and going for life!

 

What are the 3 Rings of Life ?

The Engagement Ring... The Wedding Ring... and lastly, the suffering

Congrats PnP ! Just celebrated my 20th.

 

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Really???? 25 on January 3! (of course, that's the first date anniversary, but hey, still counts! )

 

Good evening everyone !
Mrs Cameron, a primary teacher, was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong.

"All right children, let's take an example," Mrs Cameron said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his wallet with all his money, what would I be?"

Little Tony raises his hand, and with a confident smile says, "You'd be his wife."

 

I think Tech support here must use this form

Computer Problem Report Form

1. Describe your problem:
__________________________________________
2. Now, describe the problem accurately:
__________________________________________
3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
__________________________________________
__________________________________________

4. Problem Severity:
A. Minor__
B. Minor__
C. Minor__
D. Trivial__

5. Nature of the problem:
A. Locked Up__
B. Frozen__
C. Hung__
D. Shot__

6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes__ No__
7. Is it turned on? Yes__ No__
8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes__ No__
9. Have you made it worse? Yes__
10. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__
11. Are you sure you've read the manual? Yes__ No__
12. Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual? No__
13. Do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__
14. If `Yes' then why can't you fix the problem yourself? __________________________________________
15. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem occurred?
__________________________________________
16. If "nothing" explain why you were logged in.
__________________________________________
17. Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem? Yes__ No__
18. How does this problem make you feel?
__________________________________________
19. Tell me about your childhood.
__________________________________________
20. Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem? Yes__ No__
21. Can't you do something else, instead of bothering me? Yes__

Thank you for taking the time to fill out our Computer Problems Form.
Please allow 1-week response time so that the problem will resolve its self or you will reboot your computer, most likely resolving the issue.

 

@Jools: hahahaha!

 

@spotsbox and @Jools very good

 

But where's the ipad air?

 

....hahahaah

 

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i hope i dont offend anyone with this one

 

I never finish anythi

 

What did you think of?