Jokes

DITTO!!


Heyyyyyy, spots...nice view. Errrr......which view were you talking about...??!

 

Thanks spots, another great reason to those Vikings!

 

1.
A man asks a farmer near a field; “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”
The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”
2.
It is so cold outside, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
3.
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad! Finally, I had to take his bike away.

 

Hey, I resemble that

 

HOW TO ASK YOUR BOSS FOR A SALARY INCREASE..?

One day an employee sends a letter to his boss asking for an increase in his salary !!!

Dear Bo $$
In thi $ life, we all need $ ome thing mo $ t de $ perately. I think you $ hould be under $ tanding of the need $ of u$ worker $ who have given $ o much $ upport including $weat and $ ervice to your company .
I am $ ure you will gue $$ what I mean and re $ pond $oon .
Your $ $ incerely, Norman $ oh


The next day, the employee received this letter of reply :

Dear NO rman,
I k NO w you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NO thing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NO t doing NO ticeably well as yet .

NO w the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNO mists are NO t sure if the United States may go into aNO ther recession. After the NO vember presidential elections things may turn bad .

I have NO thing more to add NO w. You k NO w what I mean .


Yours truly,
Manager

 

Happy New Year everyone

 

Not only do I own all these devices (with the exception of a fax machine), I still use them on a regular basis.

Ariel! Hope you're surviving university life, and enjoying a nice holiday! We miss you!

 

Alcohol and calculus don’t mix, so don’t drink and derive.

 

I want to start growing my own garden.
Does anyone know where I can find bacon seeds?

 

From the mouths of babes, how to decide who to marry according to kids (taken from a local newspaper):

Q: What's important?
A: You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
A: No person really decides before they grow up whom they're going to marry. God decides it all way before and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.

Q: How can a stranger tell if two people are married?
A: You might have to guess based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids

Q: What do you think your mom and dad have in common?
A: They both don't want any more kids

Q: What do most people do on a date?
A: Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
A: On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.

Q: When is it okay to kiss someone?
A: When they're rich
A: The law says you must be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that
A: The rule goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry them, and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.

Q: Is it better to be single or married?
A: It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.

Q: How would the world be different if people didn't get married?
A: There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?

Q: How would you make a marriage work?
A: Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck

 

Classic answers!!!!

 

Now,a joke from my side.....I heard this joke from my English teacher.Actually he is a funny man and sometimes he tells us some jokes in class before starting a topic just to refresh us.....
Once there were two man in the train who suddenly started fighting. One of them told the other that I'll broke 33 of your teeth .So a man nearby him told him that humans have 32 teeth. How will you break 33 teeth of him. So, he told him that I knew you'll talk in the middle of our conversation so I thought to break of your too.