Life Style Changes

Oh how I have missed you all!!! and this thread. It has been forever and a day since I have posted and a ton of then have happened mostly good, but some not so good. After I posted about my depression, I went into a little funk. Depression has become a way of life so I do what I can when I can and watch TV the rest of the time. LOL! I was a little down on myself that I had gained 10 pounds and was not exercising or painting.

Then I went on an overnight Spiritual retreat - kind of. My Spiritual Organization has a Spiritual leader who was visiting from Japan, and I got the honor of shacking his hand. This organization celebrates all Religions and all Universal Principals. I know that my beliefs may be different than most and I do not want to offend or cram my beliefs down anyone's throat. Nor do I wish to debate what Spiritual or Religious beliefs are right or wrong. At the same time if anyone is interested, please IGM.

I just wanted to share what has happened to me. 1st off, I dreaded the van ride from Phoenix to the LA, CA LAX airport. I did appreciate the irony of driving 8 hours to go to an airport hotel. I have a driving phobia that I have developed and could not drive on a highway. (Now I can comfortable and confidently drive about 10 minutes on the highway.) 25 out of 93 who went from Phoenix needed to ride in the vans. My worst nightmare, being stuck in a van with someone who annoyed me. At the last minute, I was moved to the other van and assigned the passenger seat, because I had a scuffle with the leader of the 1st van. I was told the driver of this 2nd van was very quiet. I did not know the driver and keep telling myself that I could endure anything or anyone so that I could partake in this event. Even if I had to whit knuckle it and keep my mouth glued shut the whole trip.

This arrangement turned out to be a blessing! Me and the driver got along fantastically. Early on the trip, He gave me his cell phone to talk to the leader of the other van when she called. The same women that I had the scuffle with. I can't remember what she said now, but I remember her telling me to get the driver to do something I thought was ridiculous. Plus, he seemed like he knew what he was doing and I told her so. The next day at breakfast, the driver came over to tell me that I helped to keep him sane. I found this to be very touching and ironic that the Krazy Lady was helping to keep him sane. I told him briefly about my mental struggles. He made some comment about the irony that I "got him" more than the leaders did. The rest of the trip home turned out to be fun. We joked and banter and he told me some things about himself. It turned out to be a lot of fun.

This experiences - the event not the van ride has renewed my faith and I have been able to practice my faith and put it into action. I feel very blessed. I started eating better, walking more, helping others, and reading our faith literature. The biggest improvement has been with prayer. I admit I use to struggle with praying. I always felt I was doing something wrong and I was fearful. Now I look forward to praying with joy gratitude in my heart. I no longer fear praying to God which is why I think he is allowing me to do so much these days.

I lost the 10 pounds that I gained and think I have lost so more. I just weigh myself at the doctor's office. I go once a month for a B-12 shot and they weigh me. I have started two paintings. One with a new technique that I am excited about. It is super hard so I have not made much progress. My treadmill needs lube and my lube stick broke. It will take awhile to replace it so I have been walking out side for 20 minutes at a time. I have even started using my plastic stepping thing and rebounder more often. I have been visiting my Spiritual Center more often and I even took a 2 day substitute teaching job. I have not subbed in almost 2 years. It was amazing that I was still on the active duty roster.

While all these wonderful things have been happening, I developed an old familiar aspect of my mental illness - Borderline Personality Disorder. This symptom has been very sever and has kept me awake in agony many nights. As horrific as it has been, I have been very grateful for its occurrence. I feel that this time instead of this symptom harming me that God is trying to cleans my mind - my Soul. Over time these last few weeks, I realized that when this symptom would occur. All I had to was to remind myself that, I choose to harmonize with God's will and live in reality. The symptom would subsided. Granted I had to remind myself of this day and night a Zillion and two times, but it worked. This symptom is almost gone and I am almost back to normal sleeping. Yipee!!!!!

I am now the most joyous, cheerful and grateful depressed person you will ever meet. LOL! I still have a long road ahead of me as far as becoming a productive working member of society again, but now there is hope. I am encouraged by the little progress that I have made and that I am able to contribute in the small ways for the betterment of mankind now. I am truly grateful to God and my Spiritual Organization for helping me reconnect with God. I am Happy Happy Happy today and Busy Busy Busy. I am calling in Happy today!

In closing, I would ask that we all remember the vets of the world and hope that we will no longer need service men anymore, because we have established true World Peace. A girl can dream. LOL

Crzyjoyce - thanks for all your sharing! I know this is difficult to do. I admire your determination and perseverance to keep going. Thank you for all that you do!

Solo - Keep looking for options! Each State is different about medical questions. Check into. Stay informed and ask questions. It is your right to know what is going on in your body. Please, next time go to the emergency room. I
too had many bike and other kinds of accidents as a kid. Please, try and be careful with your precious body.

PNP - Hang in there and do what you can. I agree with Baw about moving, but I also know you have real limits. Just applaud what you can do and do not get discouraged by what is beyond your abilities.

Baw - You go girl! Keep on moving.

Umf - I will never judge you, but I do want to encourage you. I also want you to enjoy your picturesque country side for me. I am walking vicariously through you. When I walk outside, I have to walk along busy city streets and smell exhaust fumes. Yuck!

Everyone keep up with your great progress!

EDIT

Yokattane! This is a Japanese greeting. It is to be said with a big, bright, cheerful smile and a warm hand shack. It means It is wonderful or A Gift of the seed of Light. I wish I could give this greeting to all of you in person.

 

sglick - It's so wonderful to see you here!! Congrats on "calling in Happy today"!!!! Thank you so much for your brave sharing.. it helps to know that I and my family aren't the only ones struggling in this life...world. We can choose each day to be happy or succumb to our troubles! Yokattane to you too!

I've been treading water as far as diet & exercise go. I've tried walking a few times...but then my feet & ankles get so swollen. My arthritus pain is off the charts. Went to doctor yesterday, and will have to wait until Dec 31st for next remicade infusion....hopefully they will increase the milligrams. I am still eating much smaller portions.....the good news....I absolutely cannot eat any large meals anymore! Yeah!
I will follow your lead, and choose to be happy, get up each day, and do as much as I can!!!

Happy Veterans Day.....I am so thankful, grateful to all the men & women who have provided us with a safe country to live in!

 

Where to start...lol
I have my whole kitchen now completely cleared of all junk. My nephew who lives with me decided that it was unacceptable and went to the store and bought chips, cookies, candy etc. I just removed them all from the cabinets and piled the whole mess on his bed. He complained to my husband who then told him, "Her cabinets, her kitchen, live with it." It is so nice having him backing me up. The only problem is that my husband lost 9 lbs and I only lost 2. Not fair! But I do feel better and that is a plus. I'm still depressed but not to a point that I can't see up... some of you may relate. I was in a pretty bad place and couldn't "ever" see how to get out of it. Now, although some days I feel like I'm in limbo, at least I'm functional. I even take some time to smell the roses and can see a faint light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there everyone and best wishes to all.

 

sglick, your good news make me smile. Congratulations!

Brookeham, I am sorry for your pain. It is an awful waiting time to get some medicine. Please don't despair. The smaller portions will show up in looser fitting clothes pretty soon.

AnTAngel, getting rid of chips is a really good approach. Your nephew should not have any problems with keeping chips and that sorts in his room. I love how you stay positive.

Actually I love how every one in this thread is so positive.

 

sglick - I am very glad to see you and hear that life is looking up! Good for you for facing those difficult situations head on and triumphing over them. I hope you enjoy the subbing job and are able to continue. I don't know anything about Borderline Personality Disorder but I am glad you have found strategies to help combat those thoughts. I am most especially happy to hear you have reconnected with God. May you continue to have blessings in your life.

Brooke - I am sorry you are having pain, your ankles are swollen and you have to wait another 6 weeks for an infusion. I like your attitude: choose to be happy, get up and do what you can.

AnnT- Good for you that you cleared all the junk out of the house and Way to Go! hubby for supporting you! I really like his no nonsense response! Remember men's metabolisms are different from women's so try not to get discouraged if he loses more than you. The important thing to remember is that you have made good choices for yourself and it is working! Hugs that you are still battling depression. I am glad to hear you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have found that it is a blessing to have a break in pain or depression, no matter how brief.

Dienstag - always good to see you

I don't really have an update per se. My daily life is fairly routine and predictable. Need to combine gentle exercise and activities with rest. If they are imbalanced, life gets harder. Right now I am facing more emotional challenges which will show up physically but am trying my best to minimize the backlash.

I have shared that my sister who has been battling breast cancer has been told she may have about another year. She is having some symptoms that have prompted a brain scan on Monday to see if it has spread.

I have another sister who is also facing a medical crisis. She was just diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and disc degeneration. She may need back surgery. During an MRI last week for her back and neck, she began having seizures so bad they took her to the ER. She cannot drive for 90 days and has to see a neurologist for a repeat MRI, CT and EEG. She also found a lump and during the mammogram and ultrasound found 4 masses that are needing to be looked at more closely. Final results are not back in but understandably she is very worried.

My struggle is to balance my own health needs and being there for my sisters. I spent yesterday at the hospital with her while she was having tests and then the follow up appt at the Dr office. All I can do right now is hold her hand and reassure her she will not face this alone. Today, I am resting and napping (and farming!) to recover from those terrible waiting room chairs.

I ask nothing for myself but would ask for prayer for my sisters and their families.

 

pnp - I have said a prayer for you and your sisters today...and will continue to do so every day. You are a sweet, supportive sister...and I'm sure its extremely difficult to see both of your sisters go through these scary health issues. Take care of yourself...it sounds like you will need to be strong in helping both of them. Gentle hugs sweetie.

AnnT - gotta love your hubby! Congrats on the weight loss!!! Remember...women & men are completely different in metabolisms. I'm am happy that your depression is waning a bit. Keep looking towards that light. I am just learning about depression...but what I have learned, is that it is a sneaky and very difficult disease. I wish you all the best my kind friend.

 

pnp - I will be thinking of you and your sisters.
AnnT - any weight loss is good but men do seem to do it effortlessly - well done - it is the weight gain that is not so good - I lost a bit but am stalling and going up but determined to carry on with my smaller portions. It sounds like your Nephew is trying to sabotage your diet, but, by putting his treats in his room, means they are out of sight, out of mind. I did have a chuckle about your Hubby's response.
Brooke - big hug - wish I could make the pain go away.
Sglick - Good to see you posting again - I could blame the weather for my lack of walking - the lane is like a river when it rains as it all floods off the hillside but when we get a fine day (next week hopefully) I promise to do more walking again - I really need it as I am puffing again. It is worth it just for the view on the way back down.
Well done everyone on your achievements. As they say, Rome was not built in a day.
Keep your fingers all crossed for me - we are waiting with baited breath for a decision on a HUGE wind turbine which a neighbouring farmer wants to put on his land which will tower over our view.

 

dear puppiesnponies, that are devastating news you have to share. My heart feels for you.
That is quiet a balancing act that you have in front of you. To bad, we can not just shake cancer and other illnesses out of the bodys of our loved ones or our self.
With being there and listening to your sisters, you do already very much. They probably don't aspect more. And there is not really anything that you can do (meaning healing). A visit here, a phone call there and sitting in waiting rooms is really a lot. I know, it doesn't feel like it. And you feel terrible. But it help them to know you care and share their load.
It is important to look out for your self also. Listen to your body and "go" slow, when it tells you so. It helps nobody if you get sick along the way.
Hopefully I am not intruding and being rude (or so) with this comment.

I kind of know how that feels. I watched my grandma die a couple of years ago. She was just happy to see us, her family and the just walking latest grandchild.
Earlier this year was/is a cousin fighting cancer from the throught (successfully how it looks like) and an uncle having heart surgery. All while being far away. Oh, and my father, who died while I was on the plane back home. (Almost 8 years now). It gave a lot of joy to them, just getting a call or having photos and a "painting" from the little ones in the mail.

Please watch out for you.

 

wow,
you have all had some pretty major things going on it sounds like. Kudos Sglick, AnnTAngel, Brooke, PNP Umf... Solo, and Deinstag, hope i didn't miss anyone this time.
Things kinda snowballing here, PTSD triggered last week thanks to the thing that calls itself my dad ( I do not, he was a vicious abusive monster, hence PTSD)... it showed up at my sister's house and begged her to try to get me to come over, I refused, knowing that vile thing is in the same state I live in was enough to trigger. I don't know how to describe what it does to me, I go through a whole range of emotions, stop eating, sleeping etc. hubby has been acting completely ignorant of what is going on and actually adding to the problem. Because of where it puts me I can't just tell him, so in a nutshell this week I am in self- preservation mode/self -destruct mode alternately, not a fun place to be and I know from years of experience this is not something you just decide to snap out of, it runs it's course and then you get on a more even footing.
In saying all this, please no PITY. it is what it is, and I do know coping skills for it, just this time was blindsided and it makes it more difficult. If any feel led to pray by all means do, if not that is fine too
Just realized it is 4 am and I have to be up in 3 hours to get son off to school.... oops. night all!

 

Thank you for your prayers and IGMs. Sister's brain scan today was clear! Joy and relief cannot begin to express our emotions right now. Definitely something to be thankful among our other blessings.

 

That is wonderful news pnp!

 

I feel like I have been ignoring this thread sorry. Busy Busy Busy. I am back to doing good about the food. Yea!
I want to show you what I did today and the last three days. I found a park about 5 minutes from my house. I pass by it in the highway to go to my Center every day. One day there was an accident and I had to take a surface street that runs right by the park. I miss hiking in the desert so I got curious and checked it out. There are a ton of different trails for varying abilities. The one I am using is this real wide bike trail. I think it is a mile - the part I do, and it takes about 40 minutes.

The 1st picture is at the beginning of the trail.



This at the end of the trail where there is a gentle incline that I have to walk up.



Maybe, if I keep at it. I will be able to go off on the other trails. My goal is to be able to walk an hour so I am almost there. I have to get in shape. Mom is coming January

CrzyJ - I have been meaning to post a reply to your post. I was deeply touched. Mostly, because you know what is happening and wanting to make positive decision about how to handle it. Unfortunately, not all of us had nice parents when we were little. I hope the situation has gotten better by none.

PNP - Thanks for letting us know about your sister's results. That was such good news. Yipee!

 

Have not read through the entire thread, quite yet (got about half way... have to limit my time here with kids and all... lol) so if I am repeating, sorty.
Anyway, per diet... try different flavors, particularly spicey foods and such. They satisfy in small amounts. Also, drink plenty of water (just water or tea, no diet drinks).

per general attitude... Try to surround yourself with plants and nice decorations. (you can find nice things cheaply at garage sales and such many times). Nice surrounds definitely help improve your attitude... and its easier to get that cleaning done when the result is nicer. (not that I am doing well on that front... again, kids rather interfere).

BUT.. if you do have kids, remember.. they are only small for a short time. Train them up, cleaning is part of that, but don't stress too much over it. Life is just too short! Actually, that last might be good general advice. If your house is not a true health hazard, sometimes just "letting go" really is the answer.

PS. I am not being "polly anna-ish". I have been struggling (go to play games to destress, in fact). These are things that have helped me.

 

Hi all, welcome woody
I enjoyed your post.. I would add that during December it is a proven fact it is the most depressing time of year for many people, high stress related to so many areas of life, it happens to be the time of year many companies lay people off so anything to help de-stress is a good thing
I have let things go, and boy is it obvious! not so much by choice, but because things that used to be simple really aren't anymore. I am ashamed to let anyone look in my home, it looks and feels like a disaster area to me, however as my back heals i will get it back in order.
I have kinda stayed away from making plans for christmas, no shopping done or anything yet...the only plan I have is to make Rosette cookies, that in itself is time consuming thing so probably going to do that this week.

 

@crzyjoyce, That's very true.
I think the most common one is because you can't afford something.
But I'm a little different. I don't care about getting anything for Christmas.
I would rather be with people you love than getting for example a "brand new video game".
All I care about is celebrating it because Jesus was born that day.

To everyone who replied to me, Thanks and I have read them!
It's just I'm feeling a little uncomfortable talking about my hearing problem.
This is why I stopped replying.

While thinking things over, I feel for sure I want a job where you work with computers.
Well my cousin in Florida designs boats on a computer. People have drawning them on paper
and he's just turning it into some 3D computer design. Now that might not make you guys feel
likes it fun, but to me it sounds cool

Not sure if I ever told anyone on this forum but I love electronics.
I just like learning about them and knowing what they can do.
It's why I know so much about TV's. I always Google them just
for the heck of it. I don't know why but it makes me feel happy when
just even looking at them and reading the specifications

 

crzyjoyce - Don't sweat the small stuff! I am sure once your back is better...your home will be nice & clean again. Maybe a family member or friend could come in and help a bit....for some of those wonderful cookies?

solo - No judgement...we all are so fond of you....and just wanted to help. So we will leave the hearing stuff up to you. Whatever you decide to do as work/career ....I am sure you will be great at!!! You obviously have talent, intelligence and a fantastic spirit! Electronics will forever be a large part of our world...so it sounds like a smart path to take.

As far as the lifestyle changes....I'm treading water, so-to-speak....not gaining, but not losing. I haven't felt well enough to exercise, but working with my doctors to remedy that. I am trying to stay healthy for the Holidays...and have streamlined it all this year...to focus on my family.
January 1st is right around the corner....so I will pick myself up, dust myself off....and try again to improve my health!!! LOL

I wish everyone a very Healthy and Happy Holiday!!!

 

Brookeham, that are the best wishes any one can get. For being healthy and happy. Thank you.

Maybe you are not loosing. More important is that you are not gaining. Keeping off what was lost (weight) is the real problem. So, you do already something pretty well.

 

Today I did my walk again. Up and down four times, takes half an hour. Sun was shining (got in my eyes on the way back down, but, hey, you can't have it all) Did not get puffed out once so it proves I am much fitter than I was when I started it two years ago. I hope everyone else is on track - it is so diffucult after Christmas to motivate onesself, especially as we have a lot of rain/storms since Christmas. Today the track was dry. The birds were singing, and the sheep were baa-ing in the distance. Daffodils were showing their buds (not yellow yet, but soon if this nice weather keeps up) January in Cornwall can be so lovely. Our camelia is out, my fuschia is in bloom (it is a hardy hedging one with tiny little flowers), naughty little leaves are showing too, but a frost will soon send them scurrying back into the woodwork! lol. It really lifts one's spirit when the day is so spring-like. Happy January everyone.

 

Well done farmerumf! Congrats for doing the whole loop 4 times. Your description makes me want to go outside. Once I get over this flu with a lingering cough and fever, I will hope to have a nice day to go outside for a short while. Right now, the most exercise I am getting is to walk to the back door and let the dogs out and then all that way again to let them back in. I don't know how many loops it is but boy am I tired!

 

PNP Every little helps. I was ill over the new year. I walked up and down the kitchen a few times, taking big strides - well sort of shuffling actually - kitchen is 24' long (only 6'6" wide) and that is as far as the sink is from the cooker! I always keep fit when I am cooking. Hope you feel back on top of the world soon. Even sitting out on a nice day and getting fresh air in the lungs can be good. We wrap up, even in the coldest weather, and take our morning drinks outside if the weather allows.